Isaac at 1 month

It's hard for me to find time to blog lately....I'm sure you can imagine why.  But things are going well mostly.  Just busy.  Stephen and I agree that the transition from 1 to 2 children has been easier thus far than the transition from 0 to 1.  I'm not sure if that's because Isaac is just an "easier" baby, or if it's because we know better what to expect this time around.

We sure love our little Isaac.  I just love looking into his big eyes and feeling pure love and feeling every care in the world just melt away.  I love cuddling him against my chest (I love how newborns don't have the strength to push away yet :)) and feeling him breathe next to me and being in awe of the miracle of life.  

The biggest challenge has been what I think it usually is with having a newborn -- functioning on minimal sleep.  And not just to function but be patient and kind despite the fact that getting little sleep makes me not-so-patient and kind.  Some days go better than others...  

Here are some pics of Isaac we took today on his 1 month mark.

Baby Isaac's Birth Story

I started having contractions Sunday morning around 12:30 am.  I wasn't sure if they were the REAL contractions yet, so I tried to go to sleep as to not get my hopes up for the millionth time and then be disappointed.  I couldn't sleep, partly out of excitement and partly due to the pain...  I laid in bed for an hour wide awake, still not sure.  Finally I started timing them, and was DELIGHTED to discover that they were about 6-8 minutes apart consistently, lasting about 30-40 seconds!  I was starting to let myself believe that this could be it!  It continued on this way till about 3:30, which is when Stephen woke up and asked how I was doing and I told him the news!  I told him to go back to sleep because we weren't going to the hospital anytime soon (I wanted to be at home as long as possible and I wasn't in very much pain at all yet), but he couldn't.  Contractions kept coming till about 4 when they started to peter off.  They got further and further between until I didn't notice them at all.  We were SO disappointed.  I think Stephen even more so than I.

The rest of the day we were just hoping and praying that things would start up again.  At about 2 I went on a run, hoping that that might get things going.  I got lots of contractions on the run, but then nothing when I stopped.  When I got back from my run and the contractions stopped, I decided to call my midwife and schedule an induction the next morning.  I didn't really want to be induced but my mom was on her way here from WA (she took off driving that morning because she was certain after I had had regular contractions that morning I was going to have the baby soon...) and I was already past my due date and...well, I just thought I would schedule it and then if I wanted to change my mind, I could.  So I called at about 3:30 and set up an appointment for that night to come in at 6:30 and get a cervix softener and then they would start me on Pitocin the next morning if the softener hadn't gotten things going on its own.  While I was on the phone talking to my midwife, I started noticing that I was getting some crampy contractions.  After hanging up, I started timing them and they were about 6 minutes apart!  This was about 45 minutes after the run.  So I think it may have helped, but you really never know.

Anyway, we started getting ready to go to the hospital and my contractions started coming about 2 1/2 - 3 minutes apart, which was worrying me because I thought I had read that that was close together.  But they were only 40 seconds long or so, and they weren't super painful so I didn't really know what to think.  I didn't want a repeat of my sister Ciana's experience of giving birth in the car on the way to the hospital...but I figured the pain would be the best indicator of how close I was and I wasn't in a lot of pain -- I could still talk through my contractions easily.

We ended up getting to the hospital at 6:15, about the time we would have anyway had we been showing up for the induction!  Instead though I was coming IN labor, not needing to be induced anymore!  I was really grateful it worked out this way.

We were the ONLY folks in the hospital having a baby the whole night.  We had the whole place and all the nurses all to ourselves.  I loved it.

By the time we got to the hospital, I was dilated to a 1 only and the contractions had started to get really painful.  At about 7:00, I couldn't talk through the contractions anymore -- it was more like MOANING through the contractions.  They were already 2 minutes apart and a minute or so long.  At about 7:30 I was asking for an epidural, but they said they needed to check me to make sure I was progressing before they could drug me.  They did and I was at a 3!  So they gave me an epidural at about 8:00, unfortunately botching the first one, then having to stick me again.  Not a big deal though.  I was SO happy when the pain started to go away :) :)

Things continued to progress quickly...I was at a 7 by 9:30ish, then at a 9 by 11:00, and by 12:15 or so I was fully dilated!  I started pushing sometime after 12:30 and had been pushing for 15 minutes or so when, with one push, he suddenly popped out, even before he had crowned.  Unfortunately this meant that I tore before the midwife was able to ease the baby out.  Dang.  I was hoping not to have to deal with recovering from stitches this time...

After about 20 minutes or so of pushing, Isaac was born at 12:57 am on July 11th -- that's 7/11/11 -- pretty cool birth date!

I love that moment when you meet your baby for the first time.  There are no words to describe it.

He wasn't crying at first so I started to get a little worried.  I thought my midwife and the nurses seemed a bit worried too.  I kept asking if he was ok and they kept reassuring me that he was.  But they were sucking the goo out of his throat and rubbing his back to get him to cry.  After a few seconds that felt like eternity, he started crying and I knew all was well.

One of my first impressions when I saw him was that he looked NOTHING like Jonathan -- different nose, VERY different mouth and lips, and super skinny.  And turned out he was skinnier than Jonathan - Jonathan was 20.5 inches long and weighed 8lbs2oz, Isaac was 21 inches long and weighed 7lbs5oz.  I did think that Isaac felt smaller in my belly, but it's was strange since he came overdue and Jonathan came almost 2 weeks early.

All in all, I was really happy with how things turned out as far as the labor and deliver went.  And we were so grateful to be able to bring home a healthy baby boy.

We are totally and completely smitten with our little Isaac.

Isaac Fielding Beus

Isaac Fielding Beus

Born at 12:57 am Monday morning July 11th, 2011 (4 days past due date)

Weight: 7 lbs 5 oz

Height: 21 inches

Birth story soon to follow...

Jonathan

I'm still pregnant, in case you're wondering.  And feeling pretty good actually.  My due date is this Thursday.  I keep wondering if every little cramp or pain is the beginning of THE contractions.  It's such a weird place to be in.  Part of me hopes it will happen soon, and part of me is scared to death it might happen too soon.  I had an appointment on Friday and was 80% effaced but still closed.  Before checking me, my midwife said that if I was dilated, she could strip my membrane and try to get things going.  Up till then I thought I couldn't wait for this baby to come out, but when she said that my heart stopped and I thought, "Wait, that's too soon maybe!"  I just feel like I'm going to be forever in pregnancy limbo and it's hard to really grasp that pregnancy is a means to an end -- that the reality of the situation is an actual, living, breathing, demanding and unbelievably sweet baby is going to be lying in my arms in a matter of days.  Maybe hours, who knows?   

Anyway....

I just wanted to post a few pics of Jonathan and write a few updates on him before the next baby comes because Baby 2 may steal the show for a few weeks...

Jonathan's almost 15 months now.  He is such a happy boy lately.  I feel like since he started walking his temperament has really changed a lot.  He just seems more content.  We've been having so much fun with him.  Right outside our front door is a huge park area and he loves to run around outside as often as we are willing to take him out.  We live close to a few different hospitals so we have a helicopter flying over us every few minutes. And we live 15 minutes from the airport so we also have lots of airplanes passing by, too.  

Jonathan is always quick to hear them and stops what he's doing to watch.  Here's a pic where we caught him in the moment:

It also kind of looks like he's seeing a vision :)

Our new place is also RIGHT NEXT to a train track. Bad news is it's pretty loud.  Only a problem at night.  We can't open the windows while we're trying to sleep or else we are woken up every time a train passes, which is not infrequent.  GOOD NEWS is that Jonathan loves the trains.  He calls them "choo-choos".  It's so darn cute.

This is him playing right outside our door in the dirt.  He sits there for 30 minutes at a time just putting dirt in the bowls, stirring it around with a spoon, dumping it out, and starting over again.  I bring a book with me while I watch him because I get pretty bored with the repetition.  Isn't it so funny how babies get so obsessed with something and can repeat that activity ad infinitum?  I'm so fascinated by watching him learn and explore and wonder what on earth is going on in his head.  He's also obsessed with light switches, microwaves, computers, phones, his toy fire truck... really anything with buttons or switches. 

And he also LOVES to sweep, or he tries to at least.  From the time he was just a few months old, he would always stare intently at me was I swept the floor.  Once he could walk, he was excited to get in on the action.  He walks around the house for 20-30 minutes at a time just moving the broom around the floor.  I can't understand why this is SO fascinating to him -- what is he trying to accomplish?  It's so interesting to me to watch him so intent on this activity.

Do you remember me blogging about this rubber chicken?  

Jonathan used to be so scared of it.  When you squeeze it, it SHRIEKS in a really awful way.  Now Chicken is one of Jonathan's best friends.  In fact, Jonathan can only say a few words, and "chicken" is one of them.  He's says it surprisingly well, too!  The other words he says are "Dadda", "again" (sounds more like "uh-nuh") and "choo-choo".  He has been stringing together lots of other vowels and consonants that sound like words but he doesn't seem to know how to use them.  But he is understanding so much now.  It's such a fun stage.

Here are a couple cute smiles:  

This is him right after he threw a tantrum because Daddy wouldn't let him play with his nice camera.  He was finally calming down here but you can tell he's still flushed from the exertion of it all.  I just thought he looked so handsome so I posted it :)  I love his blue eyes and toe-head blonde hair.  

In our Stony Brook apartment, we didn't have room for a rocker or glider.  We bought a glider at a garage sale for $8 a week or so after moving here and we love having it in Jonathan's room.  We rock him and sing to him for 10-15 minutes before his naps and bedtime.  He loves it.  Honestly, they're some of my favorite moments of the day.  He just lays his head on my chest and hugs his little teddy named Gregory as I sing to him.  When I finish a song, he immediately looks up at me and says "uh-nuh" which means he wants me to sing another song.  I can't even explain how precious it is.  Pure love.

Here he fell asleep as I was rocking and singing to him and Stephen came in and snapped a picture.  

The Big Move

Oh my gosh.  Where do I begin?  It's been a while since I posted.  A lot has happened in the last month and a half.  Still waiting for A LOT more to happen in the next couple of weeks...

A few updates on our lives since the beginning of May:

I went home to WA for Angelica's funeral and to be with family.  All of my siblings except for Kashann were able to come.  It really was a beautiful experience.  It made me ponder more on my belief that families can be together forever and how much I want that.

While I was in WA, Stephen was finishing up his classes and then flew to the Czech Republic for four different recitals in and around Prague.  He was there 10 days.  Then he flew home, packed the rest of our stuff into our car, then drove to UT to our new home.  We were apart for three full weeks. We missed each other desperately.   It was so sweet to see Jonathan reunited with his Daddy.  It takes Jonathan awhile to warm up to other people and I wondered if he would forget who Stephen was and not want to go to him at first.  I was relieved to see that was not at all the case.  He was SO happy to be with his Daddy again.  In fact, he clung to Stephen and would not come back to me.  Even though it was 10:00 at night, WAY past his bedtime, Jonathan was SO hyper for the next hour, playing excitedly with his Daddy.  They are two peas in a pod.

Our new townhome we're renting is in Woods Cross, UT.  We love it.  THREE TIMES bigger than our apartment in Stony Brook, much nicer and the same price :)  We're happy to have left behind east-coast prices.

The last few weeks have been so great.  We have enjoyed being all together again.  Stephen has taken off most of the summer so he can be home when the baby comes.  He practices about 4 hours a day, on OUR piano IN our home.  He's home all day and I LOVE it.  Although he does start to think he knows more about cooking and housekeeping than I do...I frequently get some piece of advice or warning from the piano as he practices and watches me at work...something like, "Did you set the timer for that bread?" or "Don't you think it would be a good idea to take mix the granola so it cooks evenly?"  He's SO helpful :)

I'm also happy to report that I've finally made my foray into gardening, independent of my mother.  After convincing Stephen that $40 dollars was worth it, I purchased two pots, some soil and six plants (2 basil, 1 thyme, 1 rosemary, 2 cherry tomato).  I'm not sure I can call it "gardening" when I'm growing them from pots but at least it is something!  And as silly as this may sound to you folks who have acres of garden, I have found so much satisfaction over tending these little plants.  I planted them a week ago, and they are starting to look bigger!  Who would have thought?!  It was NEVER this exciting when I was little and slaved away in my family's garden.

A couple days ago it got really hot, and we looked outside to find our basil plants totally wilted and looking hopeless.  I should explain that the pots we bought are self-watering -- we fill up the bottom compartment with water and then the water is SUPPOSED to travel up in the dirt by osmosis and give the plant all the water it needs -- not too much, not too little.  So anyway, we had been filling this dutifully every day.  When we saw the state of our basil, the only thing we could figure is that for some reason the watering system wasn't working, so we poured a bunch of water on the plants.  In about an hour, we went and check on them again to discover that an absolute miracle had taken place -- the basil had perked right up and was full and beautiful again.  Growing stuff is so much fun!

I digress...

The last thing to report on:  I am still very pregnant.  We're 12 days from my due date.  Jonathan was born 12 days early.  So it's hard not to HOPE that things will happen very soon.  But I don't think we'll be that lucky this time around.

For the life of us we cannot settle on a name for this boy.  We have being tossing around the same 5 or so names for months now and don't feel any closer than when we started.  At this point, my only hope is that he will be born wearing a nametag because that might be what it will take for us to finally decide.  People have told us that they went into the hospital with a couple of possible names and then when they laid eyes on their baby for the first time they "just knew".  We're banking on this happening.  I don't want to be panicking last minute as we sign the birth certificate.

At this point in my pregnancy, I'm down to running a mile at a stretch before I stop to walk.  I've gained HALF the weight I gained with my first pregnancy, thank you very much.  And I have been so much healthier and feel so much better.  I haven't had carpel tunnel (had that for the last 3 months of my first preg), I'm not bloated (I was a MARSHMELLOW last time), I am still sleeping really well, my wedding ring still fits, I have more energy, and just feel more fit in general.

BUT I am SO SICK of the scale.  I weigh myself almost every day to make sure I don't let things get out of hand before I realize it.  It helps me stay accountable.  But lately I just wanna eat what I wanna eat and stop being accountable!  It would be really stupid though to lose sight of my goal now and then gain 10 lbs in the last week of my pregnancy.  Trust me, that totally could happen.  We have four half gallons of Tillamook ice cream in the freezer right now (it was on sale).  It totally could happen.  So I just need to hang in there till the bitter end...and then lose all the pregnancy weight...sigh.  I guess the scale is not going to get to go away for a long time.

Sweet Angelica

Angelica passed away peacefully this morning.  Here is a link to my sister's blog.  Her husband wrote about the incident.

peterandcandice.blogspot.com

Thank you to everyone who have been praying for them throughout this experience.  The Lord really answered our prayers.  This has turned out to be such a beautiful and tender experience for our family.

We love you little Angelica.  I look forward to meeting you someday!

Updates on Angelica from my parents

Candice and Peter took Angelica home yesterday afternoon.  Yesterday, I talked to Candice on the phone and she said that the Dr had come in before they were released to answer questions on how to take care of Angelica on their own and what to expect.  The Dr began explaining how there may come a time when Angelica starts turning an ashy color and that this means she's not getting enough oxygen and may even stop breathing all together.  While the Dr was explaining this, Candice said she looked down at Angelica and noticed that she was starting to look sort of ashy right then.  She alerted the Dr and the Dr said that was exactly what she was talking about.  Then Angelica started turning more ashy, losing all pink, and turning sort of blue, and then stopped breathing entirely.  After just a short time, Candice said that Angelica suddenly gasped for air and resumed breathing again. Candice really felt comforted that this first scare came when the Dr was right by their side explaining what to expect.  She had been nervous to take Angelica home, but now that she sort of knew what to expect, she felt more confident.

Late last night, I got this text from my Dad:

"Mom and I are at the Denver airport.  We just heard from Candice and Peter.  It seems they had two more incidents where Angelica's system went into pause.  That would be the third time today.  Each time after a few minutes, she breathes again and color comes back to her complexion.  The last two times occurred after they left the hospital.  It is surreal in a way -- a somber yet peaceful scene.  The Lord has given them glimpses and moments of happiness and preparation for the ultimate separation.  Whenever it now comes, only the moment but not the event will catch them by surprise.  The tender mercies with which the Lord has tempered this most traumatic and unusual family advent are sweet to contemplate.  Candice was heard to say yesterday that she had just experienced the greatest day of her life.  Who would have thought it so?  Certainly we have witnessed miracles from the Lord.  We can be assured that the Lord is mindful of each of us, loves us, and desires to bless us.  His blessings will often come disguised, I suppose as a mortal test.  I hope these and other experiences help each of us grow in faith and trust in God as a result.  There will be other tests for each of us.  You can count on it though you would not seek them out, nor should you.  Peter probably did well on his annual finals but he and Candice have really shined where it mattered most.  I am so proud of each of them.  I know that whatever happens from here on out will be the will of the Lord."

My Mom texted me this this morning:

"We spoke with Peter this morning and Angelica had a good night.  No more episodes.  She drank from her bottle, filled some diapers and kept the shift of loving caregivers awake like all newborns do.  She is pretty and pink this morning.  She continues to amaze us all by beating the odds.  As the doctor said, 'There must be some higher power that is part of this family.'  Thanks for all your prayers.  Her parents have treasured every minute with this special angel."

More pictures of Angelica and family

As of 9:00 this morning when I spoke with my mom, Angelica is still alive and well!  She started getting fussier in the night and everyone took turns holding her so Candice could get at least a little sleep.  They have a big decision to make this morning -- they are considering taking her home.

Here is a link to the some beautiful pictures taken by Candice's photographer friend, Abbie.

http://abbierufener.com/blog

Angelica update

Angelica was born alive at around 10:00 this morning (EST that is...it was just before 9:00 Nashville time) and is still doing well!   She is a beautiful little angel.  We're overjoyed that they are getting some time with her.  What an emotional day it has been!

Candice said Angelica has hardly cried and is very peaceful.  She is not showing any outward signs of struggling or imminent crisis.  The Dr. has come in several times to check her heart and he said it's surprisingly strong.  We're all so grateful!  Thank you for your prayers!

A lot of people have been telling me that these pics did not load in the last post.  Here they are again, posted from Stephen's mac instead of my dell.  Let me know if these ones load or not.

Candice and Angelica

Angelica with her Mommy and Daddy

She's here!

Angelica's here and alive!

Angelica and her Mommy

Angelica with her Mommy and Daddy

Of the Angels

My sister Candice (eight months pregnant) with her daughter Laura 

I am the youngest of seven children.  The sibling just older than me, Candice, has been my closest friend for as long as I can remember.  We talk on the phone daily.  I have always looked up to her and wanted to be like her.  The older we get, the more I feel that way.  Her compassion for others and strength inspire me.  I have never felt more that way than now.

Candice and her husband Peter are expecting their second daughter.  She will be induced tonight at 9 pm.  At the 20 week ultrasound, they learned that they were expecting a very special little girl.  She has Trisomy 13, which means she will be born with numerous defects that will make survival outside the womb unlikely.  The doctors say they do not expect her to live more than a few days, maybe even hours, or maybe not even survive delivery.  

In the past few months since finding out about their baby's condition, Candice has been so strong through it all.  She has had so much faith and optimism.  She feels this pregnancy is so special because while the baby is inside her womb, she feels like she's protecting her, knowing that as soon as she's born she will not live for long. 

We are all praying that they will at least have a few precious moments with their sweet baby girl before she passes into the next life.  Please pray for them, too.

They have decided to name her Angelica, which means "of the angels".  

Jonathan turns 1!

Jonathan turned a year old April 13th!...and I'm just getting around to blogging about it...

We threw him a little party.  We invited over some close families in our ward and had a great time!  We had dinner, pumped some Disney tunes since Jonathan loves to dance to music, blew bubbles with a mega-bubble blower(the bubbles get HUGE.  Jonathan loves it.), and of course opened presents and served cake and ice cream.  

Here are Jonathan's best friends.  Aren't they all just so cute?  From left to right --Jonathan, Ella, Henry, Jane, and Ayla.  You may not appreciate how Jonathan is actually looking at the camera in this one and not frantically trying to escape.

(Be sure to notice their adorable hats.  My sister Candice made them.  So cute.  She can sew anything.)

The following picture is how all the other pics we took looked.  

All the other kiddos were perfectly content to sit and even smile for a photo but not our little rascal.   

Welcome to my life :) 

Jonathan is SO much fun.  He has so much enthusiasm for life.  

But he can be a bit bipolar.  He laughs and gets hysterical with excitement over things he loves, and then a minute later he'll be screaming bloody murder out of frustration because he's not getting what he wants.  This baby does not have a mellow bone in his body.  We LOVE that about him, but are kinda hoping our next is a little more chill...

Here he is opening his presents:

He got a play phone (he's totally OBSESSED with Stephen and I's cell phones.  I hoped this would distract him for always trying to get ours.  It hasn't really worked, but he does love his phone)

This next picture were presents from his Aunt Candice.  Cutest presents ever.  Two matching corduroy vests with brown bowties, one for Jonathan and one for his baby brother due in two months.  

Here's his cake:  It took me forEVER to make.  The writing on the top is pretty messy, I know - that's not what took forever.  It was the SIX layers of multi-colored cake that took so long.  I only had one cake pan so I had to cook each layer one. at. a. time.  It turned out really cute, but frankly I don't think it was worth it.  

We decided to follow tradition and give him his own piece that he could eat all by himself. 

(Notice the colored layers of the cake.) 

(Oh, and btw you're not allowed to call it Rainbow cake, even though that's what it is, because Stephen insisted that his son would not being having rainbow anything.  I told Stephen that I love rainbows and am reclaiming them for straight people.)

 As you can see though, he was WAY more interested in his phone than the cake.  At first I was disappointed and kept trying to force him to try it, but then I realized there was something wrong with trying to MAKE your child eat fatty, sugar-saturated CAKE.  So sorry there are no great pics of him covered in cake from head to toe with only crumbs left on the tray.  It never happened.  

But I stuffed my own face full of cake for him.  

Sorry - no pics of that though.  

These next pictures are a few we took a few days after his year mark. 

You'll notice he's walking now!  He's been taking steps on his own since 10 and half months or so, but now (starting at about one week after his birthday) he's actually walking on his own.  I didn't realize the process would be SO LONG until having a child of my own.  Apparently first steps and full-fledged walking can be months apart.  It's taken him almost two months to feel confident enough to let go of things and just walk somewhere on his own.  Now he just walks around all the time, sometimes in circles, sometimes pacing in and out of rooms with no clear objective -- it's like he's so happy to be walking finally that he just doesn't want to stop.   It's so cute.  

Jonathan and his Daddy.  Love these handsome boys.

Oh, and remember my blog about the dent he got on his forehead a couple months back?  You'll notice it's still there.  Our Dr said it should go away, but it's not for sure.  Geesh.  Maybe I wasn't overreacting as badly as I thought I was if the dent ends up being permanent.  

Jonathan in the new suit that Grandma and Grandpa Fielding sent him for his birthday.  It looks so cute on him.

And now for his 1 year stats:

Head circ: 19 inches; 93rd %tile

Height: 33 inches; off the charts

Weight: 28.1 pounds; off the charts

The Dr gave me a chart that has lines representing the different percentiles for everything, and he is literally off the charts for his height and weight.  I asked if I should do anything about it --like start giving him non-fat milk instead of whole -- but she said it's nothing to worry about since his weight is proportional to his height (they're BOTH off the charts) -- he just weighs a lot because he's tall.  

Since then, we've been calling him Baby Giant.  

Pudge

One of Stephen's sisters, Jessica, is expecting her first baby in May. She posted a picture of her pregnant self on myfamily.com (a website Stephen's family uses to post news and pics and just keep in touch with each other). Jessica mentioned how much she has never loved her body more than she does now. Her mom (my Mother-in-law, who raised 8 children) responded with this:

"I remember once a long time ago being sick as a dog and nice hot bath to help me relax and thinking as I looked at myself lying there in the tub...how much I liked my pudgy little body and how many good things it had done for me, not the least of which was produce all these children. And I felt such affection for my
little body...how fast it ran, how many trees it climbed, how many times it carried and nurtured and
delivered sweet little babies, how much work it has done over the years.
Verda Risenmay is in the nursing home, not likely ever to come out. I see her and her shriveled little body and think how many years she has lived and how hard she has worked....now she is just so tired. I guess we'll get that way too,but how nice it is to contemplate having a resurrected body someday. And it will be this very body that I am quite attached to and so grateful for."

Isn't this perspective just so refreshing?! Sometimes our society is so confused - people think we need to look a certain way to feel good about ourselves - and if we don't, well, there are all kinds of solutions to that. If we just get this surgery or that hairstyle or those clothes, then we will feel confident in our own skin! But I just think this gets us chasing after the wrong thing, and we'll never feel totally satisfied.

I just love how she found "affection" for her body because of the GOOD it had done for her! Sometimes I think I get distracted by pudge and stretch-marks and sags and wrinkles (yes I have them all, in case you're wondering) that I don't see my body for what it is -- a vehicle to do good. And THAT is how I can really love the skin I am in -- pudge and all.

Hello Spring!

Spring doesn't officially start till Sunday, but it felt like it began today.  It was in the 50s, the birds were chirping away and it was just so beautiful and sunny!  Stephen took a break from practicing for a couple of  hours at lunchtime and we spent a good part of the day together outside.  Jonathan LOVES being in the great outdoors!  As soon as we stepped out the door, he started spontaneously laughing and squealing with excitement.  You had to be there.  It was hilarious.  I think he's just as excited as we are that SPRING IS FINALLY UPON US!!!!

Here are some pics we took to document the occasion:

Notice the FIVE teeth.  My baby's growing up...sigh

Ok, so he's cheating a little trying to do a pull-up...

King of the playground

Oh, and here's the 5k pics I couldn't figure out how to add before (I was using my Dell -- only worked on Stephen's Mac. -- why do Macs always have to win??)  

The BEFORE shot 

The AFTER shot (just to prove we were all still standing)
And no, I did not run the race with Jonathan in my arms.  I thought one baby in the belly was enough to lug around.
Also notice how we are a lot less cozy in the last pic -- Sweaty bodies do not attract.

Cutting teeth and running 5ks

The last couple of days have been tough.  Especially yesterday.  Jonathan has been crying sort of constantly -- basically inconsolable.  He has had a cold, and has been coughing a lot, and I had been attributing his fussiness to that.  But then just a couple hours ago I noticed ANOTHER tooth sticking out on his top gums!  Poor boy has cut three teeth in the last week!  And it looks like a fourth is close behind.  Ouch! That has got to hurt!

Maybe also contributing to his emotional state is the fact that he misses his Daddy -- Stephen's been out of town since last Thursday.  Bleh.  But he comes home tonight!

Is that normal to cut so many all at once?  I'll google it.

In other news....

I ran a "homemade" 5k this last Saturday! -- a friend of mine organized the run for fun, which means we didn't have to pay an entry fee or anything :)  That is why I've not ran a race up till now -- I'm too cheap to be willing to fork over $30 when I could just go out and run for free!  I know, I know...the runs are always for good causes but still!

Anyway, this "5k" race was actually only 3.0 miles.  The first half was basically all down hill.  Nice, except the finish line was the same as the starting line so that means the second half was basically ALL uphill.  And the final stretch was REALLY steep.

Anyway, there were 7 of us running...and I tied for first!  Boo-yah!  But once you hear my time you won't be so impressed...30 minutes.  I was hoping to beat ten-minute miles but I think the mile and half of all uphill at the end did me in.  I was going pretty slow at some points.  Oh well.  I was proud of all of us for doing it!  We're planning another one in 4 weeks!  At that point I'll be over 27 weeks pregnant - 6 1/2 months.  So we'll see if I can run much of it at all.

I need to just say something about the AWESOME friends I have here.  You know how it usually takes a long time to find your niche in a group of friends when you move somewhere new?  Well that has not been the case here.  The ward we moved into here is just so welcoming!  I have such a fun, supportive, caring group of friends here.  It will be so hard to leave them when we move.

For some reason I'm having trouble downloading the pictures we took of us before and after the 5k.  I'll post them later if I can figure it out...

What to do, what to do...

Stephen's out of town again.  Baby is in bed.  And I am so. bored.

First-time Mom syndrome

I mentioned in the last post that Jonathan is learning to walk.  I know that falling comes with the territory, so I've gotten used to little bruises and bumps.  But today he took falling to a whole 'nother level.  And I became totally hysterical.

Normally he just walks between the two of us, or from whatever he's leaning up against to one of us.  That way we're there to catch him if he falls in the process.  Sometimes though, he gets ambitious and tries to take off walking AWAY from us.  I don't let him because then I'm worried he'll hurt himself falling.  This morning, he took off in the other direction and I thought, "you know, I guess I gotta let him try sometime right?"  So on my knees, I moved beside him as he tried walking.  He had only gone a few feet when he fell towards the side I was not on, and hit his forehead against the corner of our walls.  I picked him up immediately and he had a huge blue INDENT in his forehead an inch and a half long.  His owies have never looked like this before.  He was screaming and I started crying because I didn't know what to do.  I wondered if the indent was because his skull had split or something.  I know, stupid...but I DON'T KNOW!  What if???  

I thought, "I need to call Stephen!  He'll tell me what to do!"  I frantically searched for my phone but in my hysterical state of mind couldn't think straight to remember where it was.  I finally found it and called Stephen, trying to explain to him through my own sobbing and Jonathan's screaming in my arms what had happened.  He said to call my Doctor.  Ok, duh, that makes sense.  For some reason though my first instinct is I NEED STEPHEN!  So I called him first when, really, what on earth can he do a mile away at the university?  

I called our Dr and they weren't in yet.  The receptionist told me to go to the emergency room if I felt he needed immediate attention.  HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IF HE NEEDS IMMEDIATE ATTENTION???  I'm not a Doctor!  I'm a first-time mom who's never dealt with this before!  

But then after about ten minutes of crying, Jonathan started to calm down and the indent on his forehead started to go away.  And before I know it, he's acting totally like himself again -- like nothing had happened.  Ok, I think, this must me a good sign.  Then when I'm finally starting to calm down A LITTLE, I go to call Stephen again to tell him that I think things are going to be ok (last time I had talked to him I was freaking out), but Stephen had texted me and says that he's running home and is almost there.  Great.  I am feeling really stupid at this point, realizing that I'm pretty sure I totally overreacted.  Stephen has an awful cold and is now RUNNING home in freezing temperatures to be here to help us.  

I called my mom and told her what happened and how he was acting afterwards, and she thinks it doesn't sound like he had a concussion or anything.  She had seven kids and dealt with countless medical emergencies, so I'm feeling much better at this point. 

I'm not sure I'm cut out for this.  And by this I mean the part of motherhood that demands we deal with our children's medical emergencies.  It's just. SO. SCARY.  

If I could barely cope with this, how on earth will I cope when on of my children:

(all the following did in fact happen to at least one of my siblings)

-Gets a finger CUT OFF in a door -- happened to TWO of my siblings

- has their HEAD wedged between the car tire and the rocky cement driveway as the car rolls down the hill, almost running over her head. 

-breaks arms or legs

-gets in very serious car accidents resulting in severe injury or death

Ok, I need to stop writing that list.  I don't think it's helping me any to dwell on this anymore than I have already.  

So what can I do?  Well, I've read different emergency pamphlets on how to help children when things happen.  But would I be able to remain calm enough to remember that stuff?  

I need to take a class.  Maybe that way it will be more ingrained.   

I still feel so shaken up.

A little update

Jonathan is turning 11 months at the end of the week!  I'm so close to having a 1-year old!  He has being learning like crazy lately.  A week after posting about army crawling, he started crawling for real.   The big news now, as of YESTERDAY,  is....He's taking steps!  Several at a time.  Stephen and I sit about five feet apart and he walks the distance between the two of us.  We weren't sure if we could call it "walking", but last night some friends stopped by and witnessed him in action and they thought it counted for sure.   He has a long ways to go before he will be walking around by himself without needing us to be around to catch him when he falls, but so far so good!

Last week, his top two teeth cut through.  They were bulging underneath the skin for over a month -- FINALLY they made their appearance. 

A few things Jonathan loves:

- bath time

- reading books (we spend a good 20-30 minutes at a time reading together before he gets tired of it)

- crawling around with Mommy and Daddy

- walking.  He HATED being on his belly and learning to crawl, but he's always loved to be on his feet and practice walking.  That's probably one reason why he learned to crawl so late, but is walking earlier.

- being outside.  From the time he was a newborn, the outdoors would always calm him down when he was fussy.  He's still the same way.  He loves to take walks outside.  Unfortunately, it's been so cold lately that we don't spend as much time outdoors as we would like to.  We're anxious for spring to come!

- Spending time with Daddy. Whenever Stephen comes home from school Jonathan gets SO excited.  They love spending time together.  

- Spend time jumping, but mostly SPINNING actually, in his Johnny Jump-up

- This next one's maybe his FAVORITE thing to do: Play with electronics - our cell phones, ipod speaker set, TV, but most especially our computers.  Unfortunately, he messes the keys up on our computers and drools on it, so we don't let him touch the computers anymore.  He goes CRAZY whenever he sees one open and moves faster than he ever does to get to it before we can close it.  And then when we do, he gets SO angry and throws tantrums (I had no idea that babies under 1 threw tantrums, but he totally does).  So now we only use our computers in rooms where is ISN'T.  It saves all of us a lot of grief.  

Jonathan's at such a fun age.  It's hard to imagine it getting any better than this.  We have so much fun playing around with him and laughing with him and watching him learn and grow.   

Here are a few pics we took of him last week:

Enough about Jonathan.  Let's talk about me :)

I'm 23 weeks on Thursday.   I feel like I've been showing for weeks now.  But no one else thought I was till the last week or so.  I think my belly's grown a lot recently.  Here's a pic:

This first pregnant shot was a mistake.  I didn't know Stephen was taking it - he was just checking lighting and stuff.  But I thought it was kinda cool how my face was out of focus so it focused on my belly.  So I posted it even though it's kinda funky.

This next one is the more typical, smiling-at-camera pregnancy pic.  These were both taken at 22 weeks 4 days.

At this point in my pregnancy last time, I weighed 20 pounds more than I weigh now!  Hopefully I'll be able to keep my weight gain to 25-30 pounds this time.  Last time it was more like 50!  But if I eat as much and as badly as I was eating last week I will catch up to that 50 pounds for sure.  I've vowed to be better this week.

I've been running this pregnancy and I think that's helping a lot.  I'm gaining weight more slowly and I'm just feeling better in general.  I run 5 or 6 times a week.  Last week I ran 17.2 miles, divided between 5 days of running.  I'm curious to see how long I can keep it up.  

I'm running a cheater 5k (it's actually only 2.8 miles) this weekend with some friends.  My time will probably be embarrassing, but I'm looking forward to it!

Update on Stephen- he has been super busy lately with concerts.  He's had to have 5 different concert/recital programs ready within just 3 weeks.  That's HOURS worth of music.  He's been traveling a lot.  We miss him so much when he's gone!  Sometimes I do ok, but other times I end up eating too much and feeling lonely.  But this last week he had a recital in the Berkshires which is up by Boston and we got to go with him since it was so close :)

Boy #2!!!!

Here's the story:  So three weeks ago we had an an ultrasound.  There were two technicians there (one was in training) and they both thought it was a girl.  But they were only "80 % sure" they said.  Apparently "her" legs were crossed and she had her hand over her jewels.

Stephen and I had been thinking all along it was probably a girl so this confirmed what we'd been thinking and we've been certain in the meantime that it really was a girl.

Well, we went in today for an ultrasound again.  The first one was a little early for them to get a good look at the heart.  We were hoping this time we'd get a confirmation of what we already knew -- that it was indeed a girl.  

When the technician announced it was a boy and gave ample proof of the same, we were absolutely FLOORED.  I asked her three times I think, "Are you SURE?"  She was.  And the evidence was unmistakable this time.

Oh my gosh.

We're SO excited to welcome another little boy into our family. :)

JONATHAN IS MOBILE!!!!

Jonathan has finally decided that he wants to be mobile :)  At ten months and 2 days, he started to army crawl.  I used my computer as bait because he wants to play on it SO badly and it gets him going really fast when he sees it out.  Don't worry; I don't let him bang around on my computer.  Right after we turned the camera off, I shut the computer and he started SCREAMING.  I know it's cruel of me to use the computer for bait and then after all his hard work shut it as soon as he gets to it, but I've had to go to extreme measures to get this kid MOVING.

I'm just hoping that he can walk by the time Baby #2 comes.  He'll be almost 15 months by then.  But honestly, at the rate he's going I'm not holding my breath.

See, when I was a baby, I was WALKING at 9 months.  So where does he get this from?  I'm told that this slow development tendency is from the Beus side.  My mother-in-law said her first baby wasn't ROLLING OVER till he was 11 months, and she thought he was "retarded" (her words, not mine).  But then that same child went on to be a Harvard law school graduate. Another example: Stephen said he always got C's on his report cards all the way through 4th grade.  I didn't even know that it was POSSIBLE for a little 1st grader to get anything but an A; I thought they just gave good grades to everyone to make them feel good about themselves.  Apparently not.  Anyway, after 4th grade he started getting A's and that hasn't changed since.  And he turned out to be an absolute musical genius.  I could keep giving examples -- the number of languages his mother fluently speaks, the number of thick, dry history books his dad reads on a weekly basis, his uncle who writes college-level calculus textbooks and truly knows EVERYTHING there is to know about ANYTHING, etc....the list would be long.  My point is Stephen's side of the family brings some super smart genes into the gene pool -- they're just a little slow at getting going.

So I'm not concerned about Jonathan; I expected it.

The laughing Johnny jumper

I finally figured out how to post videos on here.  Here's one of Jonathan in his Johnny JumpUp for the first time.  He loves it.  It was a gift from his Grandma and Grandpa Beus.  

Here's a video demonstrating how lately Jonathan always starts laughing when we laugh.  Sometimes at not the best times...like yesterday in church...The high council speaker said that he had "thinked" about something.  Thinked.  For some reason it really tickled my funny bone.  I looked at Stephen and he was smiling but he was able to keep it in.  I, on the other hand, couldn't help myself from laughing, but quietly to myself (I do have SOME tact).  Jonathan looked up and saw me laughing, and then he started laughing REALLY loudly.  At this point we all were laughing.  Hope the speaker didn't notice...

Anyway, here's a video demonstrating the copycat laugher in action:

Bred to Cook

My family started a healthy recipes blog about a year ago.  When we try out a new healthy recipe that we love, we (if we get around to it) post it on the blog so that we all can give it a go.  I have LOVED this blog.  I get so many healthy ideas from my sisters and Mom that I would never had thought of or tried before.  It's nice too because I would say that half the new healthy recipes I find on my own don't turn out so well.  It can be tough to find really healthy recipes that also taste good, you know?  But these recipes have all been tried out and recommended by someone in my family so there's a better chance if I go through the trouble of making it, I'm going to like it too!

My point: Anyone is welcome to use the blog for healthy ideas.  Here's the link:  bredtocook.blogspot.com

I hope it's useful to you!

Getting back in the groove

I'm 18 weeks pregnant in 2 days, and I just finished running 3.2 miles!  I didn't stop to walk at all. I had gotten out of the habit of running over the holidays because it started getting so cold.  And I was in the my first trimester and running usually made me throw up.  Last fall, I was running anywhere from 3-5 miles about 5 days a week.  I've really missed it.  So I decided a few days ago that I am so sick of feeling like a lazy pig, and I'm going to start running even in freezing temperatures.  I ran 2 miles on Saturday and then 2 miles yesterday.  I was surprised when I felt good enough to run over 3 today.  I do get some dull achy pain in my lower abdomen and groin while I run, so I'm running quite a bit slower than normal.  My time today was 33 minutes.

I feel so good!

Charity

Once a year, my church holds a world-wide broadcasted meeting called Women's Conference.  Our prophet, Thomas Monson, spoke about something that's been on my mind since.  The title of the talk is Charity Never Faileth.  The problem is that my charity definitely faileth.  I guess that means it's not really charity.  I loved the ideals he talked about and I want so badly to be able to live that way.  It's just SO human nature to judge, criticize, and categorize others.  As King Benjamin in the Book of Mormon says, "The natural man is an enemy to God...and will be forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord..."  


Below are a few of my favorite parts of the talk:  

Mother Teresa, a Catholic nun who worked among the poor in India most of her life, spoke this profound truth: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” ⁵ The Savior has admonished, “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” ⁶ I ask: can we love one another, as the Savior has commanded, if we judge each other? And I answer—with Mother Teresa: no, we cannot.

I consider charity—or “the pure love of Christ”—to be the opposite of criticism and judging. In speaking of charity, I do not at this moment have in mind the relief of the suffering through the giving of our substance. That, of course, is necessary and proper. Tonight, however, I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.

Needed is the charity which refuses to find satisfaction in hearing or in repeating the reports of misfortunes that come to others, unless by so doing, the unfortunate one may be benefited.

Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is looking beyond physical appearances to attributes that will not dim through time. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others.

Life is perfect for none of us. Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life. May we recognize that each one is doing her best to deal with the challenges which come her way, and may we strive to do our best to help out.

It was actually really difficult for me to pick out the excerpts above because every part of the talk is quotable.  

 Here's a link to the article if you want to read the whole thing:

http://lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/charity-never-faileth?lang=eng

Just for a second, imagine what the world would be like if people lived this way.  Not only would we feel better inside because we would be full of love, not ugliness, toward each other, but we'd also not have to worry about what other people are thinking.  Isn't it awful to feel self-conscious around other people much of the time because we are worried about what judgments they're making about us?  I want to be the kind of person that people can feel comfortable around because they know that, like Mother Teresa suggested, I don't have time to judge them because I just love them!