First-time Mom syndrome

I mentioned in the last post that Jonathan is learning to walk.  I know that falling comes with the territory, so I've gotten used to little bruises and bumps.  But today he took falling to a whole 'nother level.  And I became totally hysterical.

Normally he just walks between the two of us, or from whatever he's leaning up against to one of us.  That way we're there to catch him if he falls in the process.  Sometimes though, he gets ambitious and tries to take off walking AWAY from us.  I don't let him because then I'm worried he'll hurt himself falling.  This morning, he took off in the other direction and I thought, "you know, I guess I gotta let him try sometime right?"  So on my knees, I moved beside him as he tried walking.  He had only gone a few feet when he fell towards the side I was not on, and hit his forehead against the corner of our walls.  I picked him up immediately and he had a huge blue INDENT in his forehead an inch and a half long.  His owies have never looked like this before.  He was screaming and I started crying because I didn't know what to do.  I wondered if the indent was because his skull had split or something.  I know, stupid...but I DON'T KNOW!  What if???  

I thought, "I need to call Stephen!  He'll tell me what to do!"  I frantically searched for my phone but in my hysterical state of mind couldn't think straight to remember where it was.  I finally found it and called Stephen, trying to explain to him through my own sobbing and Jonathan's screaming in my arms what had happened.  He said to call my Doctor.  Ok, duh, that makes sense.  For some reason though my first instinct is I NEED STEPHEN!  So I called him first when, really, what on earth can he do a mile away at the university?  

I called our Dr and they weren't in yet.  The receptionist told me to go to the emergency room if I felt he needed immediate attention.  HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IF HE NEEDS IMMEDIATE ATTENTION???  I'm not a Doctor!  I'm a first-time mom who's never dealt with this before!  

But then after about ten minutes of crying, Jonathan started to calm down and the indent on his forehead started to go away.  And before I know it, he's acting totally like himself again -- like nothing had happened.  Ok, I think, this must me a good sign.  Then when I'm finally starting to calm down A LITTLE, I go to call Stephen again to tell him that I think things are going to be ok (last time I had talked to him I was freaking out), but Stephen had texted me and says that he's running home and is almost there.  Great.  I am feeling really stupid at this point, realizing that I'm pretty sure I totally overreacted.  Stephen has an awful cold and is now RUNNING home in freezing temperatures to be here to help us.  

I called my mom and told her what happened and how he was acting afterwards, and she thinks it doesn't sound like he had a concussion or anything.  She had seven kids and dealt with countless medical emergencies, so I'm feeling much better at this point. 

I'm not sure I'm cut out for this.  And by this I mean the part of motherhood that demands we deal with our children's medical emergencies.  It's just. SO. SCARY.  

If I could barely cope with this, how on earth will I cope when on of my children:

(all the following did in fact happen to at least one of my siblings)

-Gets a finger CUT OFF in a door -- happened to TWO of my siblings

- has their HEAD wedged between the car tire and the rocky cement driveway as the car rolls down the hill, almost running over her head. 

-breaks arms or legs

-gets in very serious car accidents resulting in severe injury or death

Ok, I need to stop writing that list.  I don't think it's helping me any to dwell on this anymore than I have already.  

So what can I do?  Well, I've read different emergency pamphlets on how to help children when things happen.  But would I be able to remain calm enough to remember that stuff?  

I need to take a class.  Maybe that way it will be more ingrained.   

I still feel so shaken up.