Of the Angels

My sister Candice (eight months pregnant) with her daughter Laura 

I am the youngest of seven children.  The sibling just older than me, Candice, has been my closest friend for as long as I can remember.  We talk on the phone daily.  I have always looked up to her and wanted to be like her.  The older we get, the more I feel that way.  Her compassion for others and strength inspire me.  I have never felt more that way than now.

Candice and her husband Peter are expecting their second daughter.  She will be induced tonight at 9 pm.  At the 20 week ultrasound, they learned that they were expecting a very special little girl.  She has Trisomy 13, which means she will be born with numerous defects that will make survival outside the womb unlikely.  The doctors say they do not expect her to live more than a few days, maybe even hours, or maybe not even survive delivery.  

In the past few months since finding out about their baby's condition, Candice has been so strong through it all.  She has had so much faith and optimism.  She feels this pregnancy is so special because while the baby is inside her womb, she feels like she's protecting her, knowing that as soon as she's born she will not live for long. 

We are all praying that they will at least have a few precious moments with their sweet baby girl before she passes into the next life.  Please pray for them, too.

They have decided to name her Angelica, which means "of the angels".  

Jonathan turns 1!

Jonathan turned a year old April 13th!...and I'm just getting around to blogging about it...

We threw him a little party.  We invited over some close families in our ward and had a great time!  We had dinner, pumped some Disney tunes since Jonathan loves to dance to music, blew bubbles with a mega-bubble blower(the bubbles get HUGE.  Jonathan loves it.), and of course opened presents and served cake and ice cream.  

Here are Jonathan's best friends.  Aren't they all just so cute?  From left to right --Jonathan, Ella, Henry, Jane, and Ayla.  You may not appreciate how Jonathan is actually looking at the camera in this one and not frantically trying to escape.

(Be sure to notice their adorable hats.  My sister Candice made them.  So cute.  She can sew anything.)

The following picture is how all the other pics we took looked.  

All the other kiddos were perfectly content to sit and even smile for a photo but not our little rascal.   

Welcome to my life :) 

Jonathan is SO much fun.  He has so much enthusiasm for life.  

But he can be a bit bipolar.  He laughs and gets hysterical with excitement over things he loves, and then a minute later he'll be screaming bloody murder out of frustration because he's not getting what he wants.  This baby does not have a mellow bone in his body.  We LOVE that about him, but are kinda hoping our next is a little more chill...

Here he is opening his presents:

He got a play phone (he's totally OBSESSED with Stephen and I's cell phones.  I hoped this would distract him for always trying to get ours.  It hasn't really worked, but he does love his phone)

This next picture were presents from his Aunt Candice.  Cutest presents ever.  Two matching corduroy vests with brown bowties, one for Jonathan and one for his baby brother due in two months.  

Here's his cake:  It took me forEVER to make.  The writing on the top is pretty messy, I know - that's not what took forever.  It was the SIX layers of multi-colored cake that took so long.  I only had one cake pan so I had to cook each layer one. at. a. time.  It turned out really cute, but frankly I don't think it was worth it.  

We decided to follow tradition and give him his own piece that he could eat all by himself. 

(Notice the colored layers of the cake.) 

(Oh, and btw you're not allowed to call it Rainbow cake, even though that's what it is, because Stephen insisted that his son would not being having rainbow anything.  I told Stephen that I love rainbows and am reclaiming them for straight people.)

 As you can see though, he was WAY more interested in his phone than the cake.  At first I was disappointed and kept trying to force him to try it, but then I realized there was something wrong with trying to MAKE your child eat fatty, sugar-saturated CAKE.  So sorry there are no great pics of him covered in cake from head to toe with only crumbs left on the tray.  It never happened.  

But I stuffed my own face full of cake for him.  

Sorry - no pics of that though.  

These next pictures are a few we took a few days after his year mark. 

You'll notice he's walking now!  He's been taking steps on his own since 10 and half months or so, but now (starting at about one week after his birthday) he's actually walking on his own.  I didn't realize the process would be SO LONG until having a child of my own.  Apparently first steps and full-fledged walking can be months apart.  It's taken him almost two months to feel confident enough to let go of things and just walk somewhere on his own.  Now he just walks around all the time, sometimes in circles, sometimes pacing in and out of rooms with no clear objective -- it's like he's so happy to be walking finally that he just doesn't want to stop.   It's so cute.  

Jonathan and his Daddy.  Love these handsome boys.

Oh, and remember my blog about the dent he got on his forehead a couple months back?  You'll notice it's still there.  Our Dr said it should go away, but it's not for sure.  Geesh.  Maybe I wasn't overreacting as badly as I thought I was if the dent ends up being permanent.  

Jonathan in the new suit that Grandma and Grandpa Fielding sent him for his birthday.  It looks so cute on him.

And now for his 1 year stats:

Head circ: 19 inches; 93rd %tile

Height: 33 inches; off the charts

Weight: 28.1 pounds; off the charts

The Dr gave me a chart that has lines representing the different percentiles for everything, and he is literally off the charts for his height and weight.  I asked if I should do anything about it --like start giving him non-fat milk instead of whole -- but she said it's nothing to worry about since his weight is proportional to his height (they're BOTH off the charts) -- he just weighs a lot because he's tall.  

Since then, we've been calling him Baby Giant.  

Pudge

One of Stephen's sisters, Jessica, is expecting her first baby in May. She posted a picture of her pregnant self on myfamily.com (a website Stephen's family uses to post news and pics and just keep in touch with each other). Jessica mentioned how much she has never loved her body more than she does now. Her mom (my Mother-in-law, who raised 8 children) responded with this:

"I remember once a long time ago being sick as a dog and nice hot bath to help me relax and thinking as I looked at myself lying there in the tub...how much I liked my pudgy little body and how many good things it had done for me, not the least of which was produce all these children. And I felt such affection for my
little body...how fast it ran, how many trees it climbed, how many times it carried and nurtured and
delivered sweet little babies, how much work it has done over the years.
Verda Risenmay is in the nursing home, not likely ever to come out. I see her and her shriveled little body and think how many years she has lived and how hard she has worked....now she is just so tired. I guess we'll get that way too,but how nice it is to contemplate having a resurrected body someday. And it will be this very body that I am quite attached to and so grateful for."

Isn't this perspective just so refreshing?! Sometimes our society is so confused - people think we need to look a certain way to feel good about ourselves - and if we don't, well, there are all kinds of solutions to that. If we just get this surgery or that hairstyle or those clothes, then we will feel confident in our own skin! But I just think this gets us chasing after the wrong thing, and we'll never feel totally satisfied.

I just love how she found "affection" for her body because of the GOOD it had done for her! Sometimes I think I get distracted by pudge and stretch-marks and sags and wrinkles (yes I have them all, in case you're wondering) that I don't see my body for what it is -- a vehicle to do good. And THAT is how I can really love the skin I am in -- pudge and all.

Hello Spring!

Spring doesn't officially start till Sunday, but it felt like it began today.  It was in the 50s, the birds were chirping away and it was just so beautiful and sunny!  Stephen took a break from practicing for a couple of  hours at lunchtime and we spent a good part of the day together outside.  Jonathan LOVES being in the great outdoors!  As soon as we stepped out the door, he started spontaneously laughing and squealing with excitement.  You had to be there.  It was hilarious.  I think he's just as excited as we are that SPRING IS FINALLY UPON US!!!!

Here are some pics we took to document the occasion:

Notice the FIVE teeth.  My baby's growing up...sigh

Ok, so he's cheating a little trying to do a pull-up...

King of the playground

Oh, and here's the 5k pics I couldn't figure out how to add before (I was using my Dell -- only worked on Stephen's Mac. -- why do Macs always have to win??)  

The BEFORE shot 

The AFTER shot (just to prove we were all still standing)
And no, I did not run the race with Jonathan in my arms.  I thought one baby in the belly was enough to lug around.
Also notice how we are a lot less cozy in the last pic -- Sweaty bodies do not attract.

Cutting teeth and running 5ks

The last couple of days have been tough.  Especially yesterday.  Jonathan has been crying sort of constantly -- basically inconsolable.  He has had a cold, and has been coughing a lot, and I had been attributing his fussiness to that.  But then just a couple hours ago I noticed ANOTHER tooth sticking out on his top gums!  Poor boy has cut three teeth in the last week!  And it looks like a fourth is close behind.  Ouch! That has got to hurt!

Maybe also contributing to his emotional state is the fact that he misses his Daddy -- Stephen's been out of town since last Thursday.  Bleh.  But he comes home tonight!

Is that normal to cut so many all at once?  I'll google it.

In other news....

I ran a "homemade" 5k this last Saturday! -- a friend of mine organized the run for fun, which means we didn't have to pay an entry fee or anything :)  That is why I've not ran a race up till now -- I'm too cheap to be willing to fork over $30 when I could just go out and run for free!  I know, I know...the runs are always for good causes but still!

Anyway, this "5k" race was actually only 3.0 miles.  The first half was basically all down hill.  Nice, except the finish line was the same as the starting line so that means the second half was basically ALL uphill.  And the final stretch was REALLY steep.

Anyway, there were 7 of us running...and I tied for first!  Boo-yah!  But once you hear my time you won't be so impressed...30 minutes.  I was hoping to beat ten-minute miles but I think the mile and half of all uphill at the end did me in.  I was going pretty slow at some points.  Oh well.  I was proud of all of us for doing it!  We're planning another one in 4 weeks!  At that point I'll be over 27 weeks pregnant - 6 1/2 months.  So we'll see if I can run much of it at all.

I need to just say something about the AWESOME friends I have here.  You know how it usually takes a long time to find your niche in a group of friends when you move somewhere new?  Well that has not been the case here.  The ward we moved into here is just so welcoming!  I have such a fun, supportive, caring group of friends here.  It will be so hard to leave them when we move.

For some reason I'm having trouble downloading the pictures we took of us before and after the 5k.  I'll post them later if I can figure it out...

What to do, what to do...

Stephen's out of town again.  Baby is in bed.  And I am so. bored.

First-time Mom syndrome

I mentioned in the last post that Jonathan is learning to walk.  I know that falling comes with the territory, so I've gotten used to little bruises and bumps.  But today he took falling to a whole 'nother level.  And I became totally hysterical.

Normally he just walks between the two of us, or from whatever he's leaning up against to one of us.  That way we're there to catch him if he falls in the process.  Sometimes though, he gets ambitious and tries to take off walking AWAY from us.  I don't let him because then I'm worried he'll hurt himself falling.  This morning, he took off in the other direction and I thought, "you know, I guess I gotta let him try sometime right?"  So on my knees, I moved beside him as he tried walking.  He had only gone a few feet when he fell towards the side I was not on, and hit his forehead against the corner of our walls.  I picked him up immediately and he had a huge blue INDENT in his forehead an inch and a half long.  His owies have never looked like this before.  He was screaming and I started crying because I didn't know what to do.  I wondered if the indent was because his skull had split or something.  I know, stupid...but I DON'T KNOW!  What if???  

I thought, "I need to call Stephen!  He'll tell me what to do!"  I frantically searched for my phone but in my hysterical state of mind couldn't think straight to remember where it was.  I finally found it and called Stephen, trying to explain to him through my own sobbing and Jonathan's screaming in my arms what had happened.  He said to call my Doctor.  Ok, duh, that makes sense.  For some reason though my first instinct is I NEED STEPHEN!  So I called him first when, really, what on earth can he do a mile away at the university?  

I called our Dr and they weren't in yet.  The receptionist told me to go to the emergency room if I felt he needed immediate attention.  HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IF HE NEEDS IMMEDIATE ATTENTION???  I'm not a Doctor!  I'm a first-time mom who's never dealt with this before!  

But then after about ten minutes of crying, Jonathan started to calm down and the indent on his forehead started to go away.  And before I know it, he's acting totally like himself again -- like nothing had happened.  Ok, I think, this must me a good sign.  Then when I'm finally starting to calm down A LITTLE, I go to call Stephen again to tell him that I think things are going to be ok (last time I had talked to him I was freaking out), but Stephen had texted me and says that he's running home and is almost there.  Great.  I am feeling really stupid at this point, realizing that I'm pretty sure I totally overreacted.  Stephen has an awful cold and is now RUNNING home in freezing temperatures to be here to help us.  

I called my mom and told her what happened and how he was acting afterwards, and she thinks it doesn't sound like he had a concussion or anything.  She had seven kids and dealt with countless medical emergencies, so I'm feeling much better at this point. 

I'm not sure I'm cut out for this.  And by this I mean the part of motherhood that demands we deal with our children's medical emergencies.  It's just. SO. SCARY.  

If I could barely cope with this, how on earth will I cope when on of my children:

(all the following did in fact happen to at least one of my siblings)

-Gets a finger CUT OFF in a door -- happened to TWO of my siblings

- has their HEAD wedged between the car tire and the rocky cement driveway as the car rolls down the hill, almost running over her head. 

-breaks arms or legs

-gets in very serious car accidents resulting in severe injury or death

Ok, I need to stop writing that list.  I don't think it's helping me any to dwell on this anymore than I have already.  

So what can I do?  Well, I've read different emergency pamphlets on how to help children when things happen.  But would I be able to remain calm enough to remember that stuff?  

I need to take a class.  Maybe that way it will be more ingrained.   

I still feel so shaken up.